Trashing the party (5th at regionals)

Please don’t be an Ichi please don’t be an Janus please don-why did you rez that lotus field I have a crowbar wit- 3 strength.

Run R&D-score. Run R&D, score. Run R&D, score. God, I am good at this game of Netrunner in which there is no variance and I make the most best decisions always.

Please no biotic Please no biotic please no biotic.

Click 2 Account Siphon, Click 3, install this, click 4 install that OH MY GOD I DID NOT CLEAR THE TAGS WHAT AM I DOI OH MY GOD MY OFF CAMPUS WHY AM I SUCH A SCRUBBO.

Welcome to my brain during your typical, everyday Netrunner tournament, in which the only flights available are those via the seat of your pants, with the only complimentary breakfast offered is one nugget filled with stress topped with a very generous helping of anxiety.

And I love it.

This past weekend Louisville had it’s 2016 regional, with a very modest showing of 38 players, and it’s the most fun I’ve had playing a card game in a long time. As well as the most exhausting, stressful, worrying, anxious 9 hours I’ve had in a long time, as well. Today, I want to talk about the runner deck I brought, the ideas behind some of the more interesting card choices, and I’ll give a brief report on my wins of the day. I really do not know how to write a piece of nonfiction without including a thesis statement guys I’m so sorry for that boring senten- I will just continue.

We all have cards that we look at and go “MAN THIS CARD WAS GREAT 30 YEARS AGO BUT NOW IT JUST SITS IN MY BINDER AND THE ARTWORK IS COOL MAYBE I COULD JAM IT IN SOME JANK AND LOSE.” For me, tech cards are some of the most important cards to include in a runner deck, as they are what can help vastly in matchups where you are just not favored. For this tournament, Sneakdoor Beta was my tech card of choice. I don’t mean to say that the card does not see any play, but as compared to 2012, boys, the stats are down on this card is all I’m saying. 2 mem and 4 creds is quite an investment for a turns worth of gimmicks. And you would be right. But let’s get the hero of our story into the mix. Political Operative (played by John Turturro) is a pretty cool guy, giving himself up for the good of the runner, asking for only a modest amount of money to MURDER and EXPLODE cards for no time investment on the part of the runner. Corporations are catching on to our hero, and sending villainous trash of their own to thwart us. Cards like Crisium Grid and that Caprice (I internally say “Fuck you” every time a caprice is rezzed against me. Real Talk) can do a lot to keep our Hero from being installed, but we’ve got a secret piece of tech, a program that corporations have forgotten all about, one that the CBI really wants to get ahold of piece they just NEED access to those PADs, they just NEED it, our Heroine, the Sneakdoor Beta. Psi games are cool and all but I would rather just not even. Sneakdoor lets me not even. And I not evened a lot this weekend. It’s also decent tech against people that think installing 47 pieces of ICE over HQ is cool. It’s not, I’m going through the backdoor, the sneakdoor if you will.

2 of our Hero (played by John Turturro) is the perfect number. We don’t want him to clog up our grip, because discarding our hero without installing him is just not cool. Armand’s ability reads “Win the game if you are cool” with cool being defined as running off-campus apartment, Tech Trader, and 30 other connections. Political Operative is one of those special connections that has a trash ability, so I effectively get 2 cards out of it, 3 credits, and all of that just for the install and using it, two things that normal players do every single day. We just do it a little better with Armand’s ability. The great thing about him is that you can use him aggressively, passively. Our Lord and Savior Jacky has a rival, and his name is John Turturro.

2 Councilman becausehaveyoueverstreetpeddleredacouncilmanouttoclotaSanSan? And drawn 2 cards for it and gained 3 creds (from the peddler)? If you haven’t, well, then, like, you totally should. Because it feels like jank but it totally works. That’s probably the best part about this deck. You are basically cruising down the highway going a solid ninety miles an hour in a car that is bolted together with zip ties and crazy glue. At any point you could break down entirely. But you don’t. But you could. It’s an incredibly shapery deck, although I may just be colorblind.

Any other inclusions worth noting? I mean, we could talk about the different variations of the build and then I could sing you a lullaby to see what puts you to sleep quicker. Long story, shortened, is that Off campus gives the best engine for playing your B&Es right now. That will change with Sports Hopper not only because it’s a cool, stylin car, but because you will be able to zoom through your deck. (Can I underline zoom for extra effect?) Also, if you want to include Tech Writers in your deck, play Spy camera. If you don’t, don’t waste your time with tech writer, it’s value is not worth your card slot.

Here is where I include such coolness as a tournament report.

Round 1 was super Dope, let me tell you. I spent the first five minutes searching for my opponent, met some new folks, saw some faces, and cut to guy. He was playing the cards that I wanted to play, but I couldn’t bring myself to his level. Rocking the cool lounge with the striped sweater, I could barely contain my admiration for this man, my opponent. But I had to beat him. Nay- I had to crush him.

Luckily, my brain was on point, as per the consumption of DQ chicken basket always brings such brain strength. The rules say things like decide sides randomly. So I do the old, which hand is the token in. Little does he know I have a token in each hand. IN YOUR FACE , RANDOM. No that’s a joke but forreal if I had done that he would have been one well-dressed sucker. Back to the crushing. He guessed right and got to choose. And he chose to corp first. Good news, I’m playing Geist. Bad news- He’s playing Stronger Together. He fails to ICE R&D, and I next level him by scoring 4 points off the top round one. Like a mudslide or the career of Brittney Spears, it was all downhill from there. Then, holy shit this man is a god, he’s on Nasir. Luckily I’m on Kill you Sol, so I land a midseasons for a million pretty early and then proceed to sit there as he has two plascretes out. Don’t worry, I has plans. He was locked out of R&D pretty early because a 9 strength Resistor, like Wu-Tang, ain’t nothing to fuck with. Especially if you are Nasir. So, I draw into my lone copy archangel, bounce plascrete to hand, he has the money to replay it.

Did I mention that this man was so boss my T1 targeted on SMC meant he would never play an SMC again, in his life. Here’s the problem: I’m the guy on Scorched, playing to drawing a second scorched and then scorched scorched traffic while he was low on cards. Bad plan, but it’s my only option. Back up plan? Scoring a beal for a million. Whatever, same thing. What happens when you need a scorched? You will NEVER see it. NEVER. So, we are biding our time, him doing the Proco thing and playing breakers, me drawing like a mads man. 5 minutes left, nothing. Drawing, Drawing. 3 minutes left, a hint of a glow appears on my opponents face. An opening. The Dawn of Fear is upon us, the GREAT and AMAZING protagonist. I see this glow, and I moan. What is the enemy planning?? 2 minutes left, 1 minute 30, the opponent decides to strike. Click 1 he Personal Workshops, Click 2 install Atman, Click 3 This man stimhacks HQ into an UNREZZED piece of ICE in front of the Archangel. The ENEMY has miscalculated, by a wide margin. He was stylin and wilin, wilin right out. Because that unrezzed piece of ICE, boys and girls, was a resistor. BOOM THERE GOES YOUR MONEY GET OUT OF HERE. He then pops the ATMAN down for 9 credits, gets a dollar for some Order nonsense, breaks the resistor, and continues. Archangel incoming… bounce plascrete. 30 seconds left. He takes a brain damage and gains a credit for click 4.

Mandatory, 15 seconds…. The Second Scorched. RIP stylin.

Round 2 against a strange interloper. Enter the guy who plays to win. No matter what. He takes a Dede view on Fun. He plays Whizzard. He plays NEH. He gets rolled. By my fresh ass Geist and the sol-sucker. He tries to give me his cards and leave to play draft magic. I refuse, informing him that there is a heart in those cards, and that he just needs to find it. I don’t know if, to this day, he’s found the heart of the cards, but when he does, WHEN HE DOES, I hope there is a shine, in each and every one of your hearts.

Round 3, Catastrophe struck. The only problem with Geist is that sometime FA is enough. This time it was fast, and it was enough. To this day, your GREAT and WONDERFUL protagonist contemplates what he could have done different, and the truth is, well, he doesn’t really remember that match that much, he was hungry and needed like a Doctor P or something. Mostly it’s because in the Protagonist’s younger days, he partook in a little what have you. He blames what have you on his memory, and his tenacity, to be honest. But instead of fractalizing in the 3rd person, let’s just continue. I did kill him, so there’s that. Sol-suck is a good deck to bring to tournaments where runners want to late game you, that’s all I’ll say.

Round 4, I played against HB’s newest Android. His name was Sean, and he was a Tough opponent. You never know what’s going through this man’s head, except electrical pulses, of course. Geist did some cool stuff, like leg work with 2 cards in HQ, Legwork to score 4 points, and decide to leave tags WHEN I HAD AN OFFCAMPUS WITH 30,000 things on it. Luckily the opponent installed a GFI next turn in a server I could easily get into. Rolled like Violet in that scene in which she blueberry’s the fuck up. You could see the wires get a little twisted when he lost that game. Something in the droid had come loose. He was rogue. Leela flies from his fingertips, and in no time, his shoes are smoking, because that’s all that’s left after being burnt to ash and then swept.

Round 5, I met the Jinteki version, almost human, almost there, but not quite. There just seems to be a valley with- with zero cans, and he is at the bottom of it. I approached this not-quite-human-but-not-quite-not and introduced myself as the GREAT and TERRIBLE scrub who just wanted a little bit of break. I needed some form of stimulant, and fast. We were both safe AF and intentionally drawing wouldn’t hurt us at all, we would be a comfortable 16 points and the only way we would lose our seeding would be if some dude with 13 points were to sweep. Here’s the news: He would not jive with that. At all. He was here to WIN and he would WIN damn me, all those marbles, well, they were his. “But sir just one mar-“ “NO”. And here’s the irony-we still split, 45 minutes and infinitely more stress later. Geist was not able to beat his Palana. He drew his agendas way super good and I wasn’t able to score out in time. Caprice is still a good card, even with Pol op. He reared his teeth and hissed. He wanted my blood. I apologized, and then told him that although I really would totally give him my blood, I just didn’t have any to spare. So he pulls out Whizzard. 3 quick points later, I’m at 20 credits, and he ends his turn on 6 with an agenda scored. Mid for 13, install beal, Psycho for 7 to make a 4 point Beal, and 1 sulk later, I had knocked the broom right the fuck out of his hand, broke it in two, and gave him half, cause we split.

TOP8TOP8TOP8TOP8TOP8TOP8TOP8TOP8TOP8

First round, me being second seed, by unassuming competitor informed me that he would get to tell me his IDs and I would be able to pick what deck to play. He said ETF and before he could even say his runner, I screamed “ILL RUN K THANX”. Cool guy Armand slammed the hammer down to help our friend, the tired protagonist, to continue up the ladder.

I then played Sol against Whizzard, and I proceeded to scrub my way out of the game.Like a scrub. I admit, I was tired, but that is no excuse for how poorly this game and the next went. They were just awful. If you plan to win a Regional, do yourself a favor, and get a really good night’s rest. You will need it if you want to perform at your best. At least, I do. And with that loss and the next with Geist, I was out of the tournament, finishing 5th.

Changes for the future? You can take out your sneakdoor, but I think it’s so good in this current meta and especially with Pol-op that I encourage you to try it. IF you do keep sneakdoor in, try out HQ interface instead of the leg works. Credits can be a problem early game, so I would be weary of this, but it always an option.

Tl;dr fun deck, fun times.