God it's so bad.
I couldn't sleep on Thursday Night. I had had a tragic streak on Jnet playing just about every AgInfusion version in existence as Siphon Whizz and was sick and tired of Crisium Grid and big ice. Seriously, Chiyashi is the WORST. I was feeling very down when all of a sudden I was visited by a blinding light. In it, the face of Mike Sheehan appeared and said in a loud booming voice (but with oh so sweet an Irish Accent):
"Son. I am disappoint. You have been bamboozled by the promise of sweet Anarchy and have forgotten how to crimes. Here, take this and make a deck".
He handed me a golden Los ID and because I am rubbish at deckbuilding, I just took a reg Andy deck and made it worse.
I made Bad Los.
Late on Friday Night the flash came again, this time the amorphous light appearing with the face of Dan D'Argenio (clearly he thought his true form might terrify me, but this was not really that much better).
"The hell scrub!?" He boomed in a deep baritone, completely un-Danlike. "You have just made a shit Andy. What even is a Hernando Cortez? I have never read that card and neither has anyone else!"
I tried to protest but he was having none of it.
"The good people at Jnet have not even implemented this card! Do you not see how you force your opponents to manually click their credit pools."
I conceded that he had a point.
"I have given you the gift of Los because he alone holds the key to defeating the glacial menace. Clearly you lack the mental finesse to see the solution so screw it, I will just give it to you." With that he reached out a long bony finger and touched my forehead. I was expecting something to happen and clearly so was he as he then nodded and said: "it is done!" before leaving as mysteriously as he had arrived.
I am not really sure what he intended because rather than understanding how to build a good Los deck, I had merely gained knowledge of all the lyrics to "Haters going to Hate" by Voldemort (seriously if you don't believe that Taylor Swift with no nose looks like Voldemort then go and Google it). So I decided to sleep on it, hoping that I would wake up fresh and with new understanding.
Instead I ended up oversleeping. In my panic I grabbed the only decks I had sleeved and ended up getting the late train to Aldershot. This was bad news as I arrived at the station for the final connecting train only to see the other train I needed to be on pulling away. Stuck on the platform I was greeted one final time by the strange bright thing, this time taking on the appearance of Alex White. Or Kenny Deakins. I am not really sure which one.
"Have you made the changes I recommended?" He asked earnestly. I confessed to having overslept and, thus, having taken Bad Los instead.
"What!?" Alex Deakins exclaimed. "Are you trying to make me look bad? I give you the secrets of top tier Netrunner play and you bring this pile of hot garbage??"
I tried to protest but he cut me off.
"Since you have demonstrated your incompetence I cannot trust you to win against Glacier decks. However, I cannot have you make me look like a fool in front of the others. So I am just going to give you the ability to win with the deck you have."
I tried to tell him that that sounded like an unfair advantage but he cut me off again.
"But to punish you for your stupidity, I will condemn you to playing Weyland for the tournament".
And so it came to pass that Bad Los inexplicably went 4-0 defeating AgInfusion, Food-esque Coats, Jemison, and PE and Skorp was just awful but managed to lucksack into two victories to plant me at the top of the tournament.
It was a true Netrunner miracle.
Play Andy instead. She is actually a good ID and will make your opening about a million times better. If you are committed to playing this Los deck on the recommendation of Kenny White then be prepared to have some really swing-y games but a helluva lot of fun as you play them.
It's unmitigated garbage this deck. But fun garbage, which is the best kind.
9 Jul 2017 Swiftie
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11 Jul 2017 Milk_Jester